A Tip and a Spear Behind it
by Gentleman ChoGath
Summary: Xin and Jarvan IV are involved in a secret romance, but forces conspire to break up the relationship. Now with 75.137% more humor.
1. Chapter 1

Xin Zhao sighed as he gazed at the setting sun, its rays splashing the countryside with a radiant glow. At least here, in the West tower of the Institute, he could obtain the solace he so desperately sought after.

A few moments more, and Xin's brow furrowed. The sun's crest began to vanish along the horizon, and as night slowly crept along the lands, a shadow of doubt began to grow in Xin's mind.

_What if he doesn't come? What if something happened?_

Xin turned, deep in thought, and almost collided with the tall figure that stood at the top of the stairs. His face immediately lit up in delight.

"Jarvan! I thought y-"

"Hey you. Sorry I'm late." Jarvan replied, slowly drawing Xin into a hug.

"I…got worried for a second there." Xin said, looking up into Jarvan's eyes.

Jarvan gazed down at Xin for a few moments before breaking into a wide grin.

"Well I can promise you won't forget tonight for quite some time. I've got something I want you to see, anyway!" Jarvan grabbed Xin's hand, leading him down the tower and outside, toward the garden.

Xin could barely mouth a single word of protest before he was whisked off. He knew Jarvan had this all planned out, he always did. He would offer some grand theatric and flatter Xin, as he did in the past. It was charming, really, and he loved it….but there was always some element of sincerity that he felt was missing. Considering that intrigue was what attracted them to each other in the first place, Xin couldn't help opening himself up to his new boyfriend.

As the pair entered the garden, Jarvan took Xin up a small cobblestone path, and sat down near a fountain. The moon had begun its nightly ascent, and light glimmered over the water, dimly illuminating the pair as they sat in each other's embrace.

Xin was expecting fireworks, maybe some sort of flashy Demacian pyrotechnics.

Jarvan simply removed his helmet, ran his fingers through Xin's hair, and kissed him.

As Xin came back to reality, he realized there were no surprises. Just him and Jarvan, enjoying every minute with each other, without distractions.

And then Jarvan smirked in a way that only a prince could, leaned in close to Xin's ear, and said,

"If you're wondering what the surprise is, you'll have to wait until later tonight. But I'll have you know that you're not the only one skilled with a spear."


	2. Chapter 2

Jarvan grinned as he shut the door behind them, and Xin nearly tackled him to the bed.

As armor and cloth hit the floor faster than Twitch, Xin knew that he never wanted any other man, and Jarvan knew he wouldn't need a shield tonight.

"You like my…weapon, Xin? Come on over for a closer inspection!"

Xin unleashed a Battle Cry as Jarvan placed his Demacian Standard deep into his brush. Xin moaned, and nearly lost control of himself at such an Audacious Charge, but quickly fell even deeper into his own pleasure.

Soon, both warriors were unable to contain themselves, and Xin gasped as Jarvan unleashed a rip roaring cry of DEMAAACIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAA! as he erupted in a Cataclysm.

As Jarvan slowly laid back, exhausted, Xin turned over to embrace him. And as he snuggled up to Jarvan, he wrapped his arm around him and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Sunlight slowly filled the room as Xin Zhao became aware of his surroundings again. Jarvan held a book in his free hand, and Xin propped himself up on one arm.

"Morning, love." Xin smiled

Jarvan slowly marked his book, setting it on the table by the bed.

"Mmm. You're finally up." Jarvan teased, as he smiled back at Xin.

Suddenly, the door burst open, as a giant of a man with a broadsword strode into the room.

"Jarvan, we have a match in fifteen minutes and w-oh. You're both naked, never mind!" Garen shouted, exiting the room as quickly as he had entered.

Xin groaned as he dragged himself out of bed. Early morning matches were never his strong suit. As he and Jarvan got dressed and grabbed their weapons and armor, he wondered who his opponents might be.

As the duo approached the main dining hall, Galio stopped in front of them.

"Hey Xin, Jarvan. I wouldn't go in there if I were you. Renekton has maxed out his fury bar and is rampaging around in Dominus form because they're out of sour cream."

And with a succinct "Oh.", the two simply grabbed some of Morgana's muffins at Sinful Succulence, and prepared to enter Summoner's Rift.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh, look. It's Twisted Fate, Blitzcrank, Karthus, Sona, and Pantheon. This ought to be _fun._" Xin quipped as he entered the Summoner's Rift fountain. Jarvan, Garen, Ashe, and Janna were inclined to agree. As the rest of the team finished buying their starting items, Xin and Jarvan headed to top lane. After taking a strategic position in the brush, Jarvan began thinking about who his lane opponents would be. He figured he'd end up against Panth and Blitz, which left little margin for error while laning.

As minions spawned and began marching down the lane, he knew that if Blitz was, in fact, laning against them, he might be able to grab him (or Xin, for that matter) from the adjacent brush.

"Hey, Janna? Can you toss Clairvoyance down on the top brush?" Jarvan called, readying his lance in case Blitz was going to try anything.

And as the Eye of Sauron lit up the brush, Xin and Jarvan went wide eyed with surprise.

Because in the next brush over, they saw Blitzcrank standing guard next to Karthus…who was wearing a Southern Belle dress instead of his usual robes.

Jarvan was the first to respond.

"…What in the name of everloving fuck are you WEARING, Karth?"

"SHUT UP JARVAN IT MAKES ME FEEL PRETTY!" Karthus yelled back, tossing a Lay Waste at Jarvan.

Jarvan sidestepped and attempted to strike back at Karth with a Dragon Strike, but the crossdressing lich had moved out of range and had decided to try and finish off some minions instead of trading harassment. Jarvan reluctantly adopted a similar stance, biding his time until Karthus made an error in his positioning. Blitz's robotic hand flew out of the nearby brush, and Xin barely dodged it. As Blitz dragged the hapless minion back into the brush, Xin noticed a bright red dot near his feet. As it exploded, he fell back, and Jarvan made sure to return the favor to Karthus by dropping a flag on his bony head.

As the two Demacian warriors fought their counterparts in the top lane, Ashe had gone up against Twisted Fate in mid, while Janna and Garen met Sona and Pantheon at bot.

As the match progressed, Garen had forced Pantheon back to the base, Ashe and Twisted Fate both had less than half their health, and Sona was attempting to finish off the Ancient Golem. However, Janna's Eye of Sauron had caught her, and Janna wouldn't stand for some other support getting the blue buff. Approaching Sona from a nearby patch of brush, she threw a tornado at her, ran out, and lunged toward her. Sona's face conveyed an expression of shock as the pair fell into a conveniently placed puddle of mud and dirt. Having lost her keyboard in the fall, Sona was forced to wrestle it out with Janna for the right to claim the Ancient Golem's buff.

Twisted Fate was in the middle of picking out a Gold Card when it happened. He stopped abruptly, and his face immediately assumed an expression of absolute seriousness.

"…I feel a disturbance in the Force!" He declared, immediately activating his ult to give him vision of the two mud-wrestling supports. Janna had managed to get on top, but Sona refused to let Janna have her way.

And as Twisted Fate stood in the middle of the lane, drooling, Ashe took hold of her bow, steadied her aim, and let loose an Enchanted Crystal Arrow right in his face. Stunned, Twisted Fate was easily finished off by a Volley.

"First Blood!" The announcer called.

Sona and Janna didn't even hear her. The two supports were still locked in a brutal muddy tussle, each unwilling to yield to the other. Garen, Pantheon, and even the Ancient Golem stood nearby, watching the pair go at it. Janna was trying her best to keep Sona pinned down, but despite her best efforts, Sona managed to reach out and grasp her keyboard. Writhing out of Janna's grasp, Sona took the instrument by one end and swung it, smacking Janna right in the temple. As Janna fell over, stunned, Sona got up and glared at the pervy onlookers that had gathered nearby. Pantheon began to laugh nervously. Garen, suddenly remembering what they were supposed to be doing, quickly smacked Pantheon to silence him before spinning away with a cry of _DEMACIA!_ Sona hit a chord, trying to get into a position where she could ult Garen, but ended up falling on her ass when Janna caught her in a tornado.

While the champions in the bottom lane regrouped, Xin and Jarvan were planning to kill Karthus. The lich had been running low on mana, and they were almost ready to go for a kill. Jarvan dropped a Demacian Standard into the brush, and Blitz ran out.

Blitzcrank went into overdrive, and started to charge Jarvan, who activated his Golden Aegis and moved out of the way. Blitz abruptly changed direction, firing off Rocket Grab as soon as he got an angle, but narrowly missed Jarvan as he pulled himself to his Standard, avoiding the grab.

With Blitz's grab on cooldown, Xin Zhao decided that now was the time. Initiating from the brush, he charged in and took Karthus by surprise. Karthus didn't react quickly enough and failed to slow Xin with his Wall, and the two Demacians knocked him up before he could damage them enough with his spells. Despite a Power Fist and a Static Field by Blitz, Karthus was simply taking too much damage. In a last ditch effort, Karthus switched on his Defile, but it wasn't enough. With one last strike, Xin scored the killing blow on Karthus.

"Aw, fiddle dee. I died. But as God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again!" Karthus declared, opening his book and channeling his ult.

As the red beams descended upon the team, Xin and Jarvan fell back to the tower, thankful that they had enough health to survive the blast.

However, Ashe was not so lucky. As the Requiem descended with a crash, Twisted Fate managed to land a Gold Card, and was able to secure the kill.

"An ally has been slain!" cried the announcer.

Thankfully, Xin and Jarvan were making progress in the top lane, and after successfully forcing Blitzcrank to recall, the pair was close to knocking down the tower. Meanwhile, Garen had purposefully gone MIA in an attempt to make TF think he was going to be ganked. Fortunately, TF's ult was still on cooldown, and he backed off of the mid tower when he saw Garen had been missing for some time.

As Ashe respawned and hauled ass back to mid, Karthus had been floating at full steam (or however bony skeletons in dresses manage to float) back to the tower. Blitzcrank, who was quite literally running at full steam, was at the tower first. Xin gave the tower one last hit before backing away out of Blitz's range, leaving it at less than 25% health.

Meanwhile, Ashe was back in mid lane with a vengeance, having farmed enough to buy most of the parts to her Infinity Edge, as well as a Zeal. Twisted Fate's inability to keep up with her farming was starting to put him at a disadvantage. Ashe had been harassing him down, and despite a nice Gold Card and a few hits with Wild Cards, Ashe was winning the lane. Ashe nimbly moved in from the side, firing off another Enchanted Crystal Arrow in TF's face. Drawing her bow in a state of unrivalled focus, she let loose a flurry of shots, critting Twisted Fate twice. He swore some decidedly uncouth words before smacking Ashe with a Gold Card and retreating. Ashe smirked as he recalled, and with a quick check of her map, she decided it was time to finish off the middle tower.

Between her prowess with the bow and the number of minions in the lane, Ashe had begun her assault on the tower within seconds. Soon, the tower was nearly finished, and Twisted Fate desperately watched the countdown for his ultimate.

3…

2…

1…

A blazing eye hovered over all enemy champions, and Twisted Fate teleported to his turret. He was just in time to watch it explode. Furious, he stunned Ashe, throwing Wild Cards everywhere. Ashe responded with a Volley, barely managing to limp away, keeping TF slowed as she made her way back to her turret.

"Ugh. Can anyone cover for me? Those cards hurt." Ashe asked.

"Uh, yeah. We sent Pantheon back, I can hold the tower until you're back." Garen responded, trudging up through the jungle.

"An ally has been slain! An enemy has been slain! Double kill!" The announcer cried suddenly.

Xin Zhao stood over the three fallen champions, spear in hand.

"Karthus, you keep your filthy bony fingers off of Jarvan." He declared.

The lich simply sneered in disgust as he threw down a couple more Lay Waste attacks at Xin, withering away.

Defenders eliminated, Xin charged toward the hapless tower alongside a wave of minions. Bringing his spear to bear against the cold stone of the tower, the structure crumbled. As Jarvan respawned and made his way back to the top lane's tower, Xin headed back into brush and recalled, scowling. He never really liked Karthus, anyway.

Janna and Garen were close to taking the bottom tower down, but Pantheon and Sona refused to give it up without a fight. Garen backed off into the brush, contemplating his next move.

"Hey Janna…You can hold this lane, right?" He asked, turning to face her.

"Erm…not forever, but yeah. Why?"

"Because I'm pretty sure we can take the second middle turret…if we grab Baron. Xin, Jarvan, Ashe? Are you guys up for it?" Garen asked, sneaking into the jungle.

"That's a very risky move, Garen. Even if they don't have it warded, they'll see we're missing." Ashe replied.

"I say we go for it. They'll expect us to move on one of their towers. If we're quick enough about it, we can slay him." Xin chimed in, moving through the jungle with Jarvan.

"Uh, guys? I don't mean to interrupt, but Pantheon is mandropping somewhere, and I can't see Karthus, TF, or Blitz on the map. They're not doing dragon; and I still have a cooldown on Clairvoyance. Sona is still here with me in the bot lane, and she's playing very defensively." Janna said, keeping minions at bay.

Garen had made his way through the jungle and stood next to Xin and Jarvan in the brush. Ashe was coming up right behind them.

"They're doing Baron…I can feel it in my loins! Ashe, I want you to fire your arrow as soon as Janna's CV comes off cooldown. Then we charge in there and wipe them out, and maybe take Baron." Garen stated, gripping his sword tightly.

Janna's Eye of Sauron lit up, right behind Baron. Sure enough, the team was there, trying to kill Baron Nashor. Ashe strung another Enchanted Crystal Arrow, and let it fly right into the unsuspecting group, and nailing Twisted Fate right in the face…again.

And as Ashe, Garen, Xin Zhao, and Jarvan charged from the brush, the enemy team couldn't help but panic. Taking advantage of a stunned TF, Garen silenced him before the rest of the team finished him off. Karthus, Blitz, and Pantheon backed against the wall, trying to finish off Baron so they could flash out after they got the buff, but the combined might of the enemy team was too much for them to handle at this point. Pantheon got trapped in Jarvan's Cataclysm. Karthus was at the mercy of Xin's spear and Ashe's bow. Blitz tried to shift into Maximum Overdrive! and run away, but escape was futile.

After finishing off Baron Nashor, the team charged down middle lane, and managed to take down the second turret, as well as half of the third, before being forced to retreat.

On the other side of the field, Twisted Fate was ready to ragequit.

"Well that's great. That's just fucking great, man! Now what are we supposed to do? Game over, man! Game over!" He whined, calling for a surrender vote.

"Well…they do have Baron, and we never even took a tower…" Pantheon grumbled, hitting yes.

Blitzcrank and Sona agreed. Karthus was the only one to vote no.

Xin's team cheered as they saw the surrender vote. After having a hearty victory cheer, they prepared to exit Summoner's Rift…

Garen, Janna, Xin, Jarvan, and Ashe stepped out of the ethereal blue light and into the Institute. After congratulations and a couple fistbumps and high fives, the group disbanded and everyone went about their own business.

After Garen left for the dining hall, Xin and Jarvan walked down to their room, talking idly about the match. They did not, however, expect Caitlyn to turn up at the door.

"Oh! Xin, Jarvan, I've been looking for you two." Caitlyn said, leaning against the wall and smiling broadly.

"What can we do for you, Cait?" Jarvan asked.

"Oh, nothing really. It's just that my fuzzy cuffs have gone missing…you haven't seen them, have you?"

"Um…no, I don't think I have. Sorry Cait, I'm sure they'll turn up eventually." Xin replied, unlocking his door.

"Right, I figured I'd ask. Thanks anyway, Xin. I'll see you around." Caitlyn said, breaking into an even wider grin before turning on her heel and strolling down the hall.

Xin Zhao shut the door behind them, double locking it and staring out of the peephole. To Jarvan's bewilderment, he drew the shades and opened a tattered blue shoebox from underneath his bed.

He then pulled Caitlyn's Fuzzy Cuffs out of the box and lifted them high into the air, laughing manically.


	4. Chapter 4

Pale moonlight had dimly illuminated the grounds surrounding the Institute, and there rose an occasional chirping of crickets amidst the gently sighing night's wind. As clouds slowly scudded across the dark sky, only a single open window along the Institute's west wing served as a portal to the ambiance of a calm summer's night.

Xin sighed wistfully as he lay curled up under the crimson covers of his bed. His head rested lightly against Jarvan's chest, slowly rising and falling as he slept. Insomnia had never been a problem for Xin, but lately he found that falling asleep had become increasingly problematic. His mind would wander, succumbing to bouts of anxiety and doubt in the late hours of the night. It wasn't rational, Xin thought, to undermine a relatively good life with incessant provocations of things that might not even happen. And yet, despite whatever affirmations he might make, there would simply be a recurring shadow of doubt hanging over his mind.

With some degree of difficulty, he eventually managed to free his thoughts from such things, and nearly attained the subconscious respite he needed. However, Xin was harshly snapped back to reality by a sudden crash from across the room. Abruptly rolling over, he found the window open and what remained of a vase scattered on the floor. Perched on the windowsill, a malignant, imposing raven stood silhouetted against the moonlit night. It glanced at Xin and Jarvan with red, calculating eyes before cawing once and flying out into the night.

After a brief moment in confusion, Xin slowly got out of bed and closed the window, drawing the curtains and re-checking the lock on the window. As he swept up the broken vase, Xin couldn't help but develop suspicions about the raven in the window. However, mental exhaustion began to overtake him, and he resolved to postpone any investigation until the morning. Shuffling back to bed, Xin deadpanned when he realized that Jarvan had soundly slept through the entire event.

_'Lucky bastard...' _Xin thought as he curled up alongside Jarvan and finally drifted off to sleep.

As usual, Xin's morning began in a groggy, sleepy haze. Light had begun to filter through the curtains, leaving the room in a dim twilight. As he slowly regained his senses, Xin realized that Jarvan was strangely absent from his bed. Xin wasn't exactly a light sleeper, but he was fairly certain that he would have noticed Jarvan getting up and going somewhere. Slowly rising out of bed, Xin remembered the raven that perched itself in his window during the night. If it wasn't a dream, he reasoned, the raven most likely had a purpose.

Suddenly, the door swung open, shattering Xin's concentration. Jarvan stepped in quickly, holding a curiously large envelope. Locking, unlocking, and relocking the door, he glanced furtively around the room before turning toward Xin.

"Sorry. Did I wake you up?"

"Already awake. What's with the mail?"

"It's…a letter from my father." Jarvan replied hesitantly as he sat down next to Xin.

Xin rolled his eyes in response. "The King of Demacia actually writes his son. I'm shocked."

Jarvan wasn't amused. "It's addressed to _both _of us."

Xin raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Jarvan opened the envelope, and began to read aloud from the parchment.

_Xin and Jarvan,_

_I have recently received Intelligence reports of the gravest nature. To ensure the continued safety and prosperity of the city-state, you must both temporarily leave the Institute and return to Demacia. I have already sent transport ahead of this letter, and an armed escort will see you safely to the castle and back. Be ready to leave in an hour's time, and I shall await your safe return._

_As always,_

_King Jarvan Lightshield, the Third._

_P.S: This letter will explode in five seconds. Kthxbai!_

Upon finishing the letter, Jarvan immediately threw the parchment across the room, where it gave a tiny enchanted cry of _DEMACIA _before bursting into a million flaming pieces.

Xin wasn't amused. "_Really_, Jarvan? They _had_ to have the letter explode?"

Jarvan blinked. "It's standard Demacian protocol. You know, before someone came up with a way to enchant them, you had to yell _DEMACIA _and _eat _the damn letter."

"That's just…awful. Do you think all of this could have something to do with Noxus? Things have been too quiet lately."

"I wouldn't put it past them, Xin. But I'm not sure. Whatever happens, I'm always going to be with you. I promise."

Xin slowly wrapped his arms around Jarvan, looking up into his eyes. "I know."

As promised, an elegantly armored carriage pulled up to the Institute an hour later, flanked by several horsemen with impressive weaponry. Xin and Jarvan exited the Institute from an inconspicuous side exit, greeted the driver, and boarded the carriage.

As the vast expanses of countryside rolled by, Xin told Jarvan about the raven in the window. Jarvan wasn't paranoid by any means, but Xin's description of last night's events cast an almost tangible shadow of doubt over his mind. As he sat pensively gazing into the late afternoon sky, Jarvan knew that if his fears were correct, he would have to face Jericho Swain again.


End file.
